The Impulse to Please

It is fun to share time with others; we are social creatures.  But there is a difference between enjoying the company of others while being true to yourself and finding out where others stand and agreeing to gain their approval.  The later sacrifices your integrity while the former lets the chips fall where they may because you are secure.  Our impulse to please is strongly reinforced because at different times in our lives we often find ourselves dependent on our parents, our teachers and our employers.  But with wisdom comes living your own truth, identifying and giving the gifts of your soul.  You exhibit self-respect when you remain true to yourself without needlessly being disagreeable or offensive to others.  Some find this difficult, especially when the other person becomes angry and defensive.  I grew up learning to walk on eggs.  My mother was mentally ill and frequently went into an angry rage.  I learned to avoid and fear angry people.  I would just melt inside and feel deep pangs of fear around displays of anger.  My survival as a child depended upon feeling out my mother before interacting.  I learned to please to keep myself safe.  Failure to please had terrifying consequences for a child.  I could never be myself; my power and self-worth became dependent upon being accepted by others.  I learned to never express my honest feelings and repressed them until I couldn’t feel anymore.  This became my normal way of life and I was unaware of what I had done to myself, except for the underlying pain.  Emotional pain is a calling from your soul that points to a part of your personality that needs confronted and healed, Gary Zukav said.  If you find yourself in this condition your healing begins with an increase in awareness.  You must become aware that whenever you attempt to please others you are actually attempting to keep from experiencing painful emotions.  These are the emotions of feeling unworthy of love just as you are and the fear of personal rejection and the fear of lose of love.  When your awareness is such that you can catch yourself in the act, instance by instance, you will stop the self-defeating behavior and appreciate the worthiness of your own Divinity.  Others approval will become irrelevant; lasting self-worth never comes from external sources.  You will gradually reclaim your self worth and confront those repressed fears, feel their pain one last time and release their energy.  You will discover that your self-worth comes from the Divine power you receive when you align yourself with your soul.

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Life Coach – Dr. Dean R. McCormick