Forgiveness is soul level self love.  It is a powerful gift of healing love that you give yourself.  In its absence hurt grows into resentment, then hate, then revenge and in the process consumes its host.  Friends and family relationships are destroyed because those that hurt us usually are those closest to us.  When you love and trust someone you open your heart and become vulnerable.  They betrayed your love and trust.  Now what are you going to do?  Will you listen to your ego or your heart?


Your ego loves power and self justification.  It feels in control if you are angry and desire to teach the other person a lesson.  The longer you retain the “I was wronged” attitude the more power your ego feels.  But in the words of Mark Anthony, “Holding on to anger, resentment and hatred is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”  This approach doesn’t work because others don’t change their behavior as a result of you projecting your feelings, values and ideals onto them.  They operate based upon self perception and self interest regardless of your feelings.  You must have the courage to tell them what you want from the relationship and move on if they are not willing to meet your needs.  Even if they want to retain their former relationship with you, you are still left with the feelings of hurt and betrayal.  Forgiveness is loving yourself enough to forgive yourself for setting yourself up to be hurt and betrayed.  It doesn’t mean that what they did was right;  it doesn’t minimize their responsibility;  it doesn’t make you their door mat.  However, it does free you from the negative energies and harmful neurochemicals of hurt and betrayal and allows you to move on with your life.  As you grow, you learn.  So accept the lesson and grow toward unconditional love.  As James Van Praagh said, “How you treat me is your karma.  How I react is mine.”

Life Coach – Dr. Dean R. McCormick

2 thoughts on “Forgiveness”

  1. Learning how the ego works with us is great. How does the heart work with our inner self? We can love ourselves, although one is opened for many options of opinion. More detail would be good in the comparison when comparing ego and heart.

  2. Rev. Carol Wood says:

    James Van Praagh’s quote, “How you treat me is your karma. How I react is mine.” sums up forgiveness so beautifully. It allows us to realize that we are only responsible for our actions not those of others around us. It is our ego that takes over when we can’t forgive someone, it is that which makes us want revenge for the wrong they have done to us. Aren’t we blessed when our soul steps up and helps us make the wiser decision to forgive them their transgressions. As James Van Praagh says, it is their karma for the deed done, and our karma for how we react.

    Soul level self love is one of the most beautiful gifts of healing we give ourselves. At times when I have been hurt by others I find myself being reminded that Jesus tells us to “turn the other cheek” and to “pray for those who hurt us.” When we love who we are and know who we can become on the journey of life we use the power of self love. This is a powerful gift for healing the hurts.

    When we love and trust someone we are very vulnerable and when we are hurt by them we feel betrayed. The pain can consume us if we allow it to. This is where we have to decide which way to go. Shall our ego and the need for power take over or shall our heart and soul lead us in our decision. We hope our heart and soul win out and lead us. For many people it is not easy to let go of the hurt as it seems to want to destroy us on the inside, it makes us angry, we want to get back at those who we once trusted. When we carry these hurts in our life our souls are hurt, we need to be aware of our inner soul and our heart and our spirit. When we can finally forgive someone we heal all three, soul, heart, and spirit. Growth comes from healing our wounded self and the journey moves on the path set before us.

    Remember, Forgiveness is a powerful tool in life. On the cross, suffering a terrible death, Jesus said, “Father, FORGIVE them, they know not what they do.” Luke 32:34

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