Self Perception

Have you ever felt unlovable?  Have you ever felt there was something about you that made you unlovable?  Nearly everyone has.  The critical question is was it a passing feeling or a lasting self perception?  Thoughts are biochemical events in the brain and have physical consequences.  If you are living with a negative self perception you feel trapped inside your thoughts and emotions.  Many eventually turn to drugs or alcohol to dull the pain.  The good news is that self perception is a learned phenomenon and since it is always changing, can be controlled by you.  Some people get their identity from their body, some from their career, some from their family and others from their beliefs.  The bad news is that for many their self identity was created in a dysfunctional family resulting in low self-esteem and a poor self concept.  When your self identity is challenged or reinforced you feel an emotion.  If you feel unloved or unlovable it means you have a need for love that is not being met.  The answer lies within not without!  You can’t expect love from others if you don’t first love yourself.  Other people mirror your inner reality.  You don’t perceive them as they are but as you are.

To change your self perception repeat the following steps over several weeks.  Remember it took decades for you to develop your negative self perception so don’t expect a 24 hour turn around.  To reach any destination you must take one step at a time.  1.) Begin each day with gratitude thanking God for the good things you are and have.  Make a list, add to it as you think of new things and post it.  2.) Live in the Now.  Release the pain and hurt of the past and break those chains.  Offer forgiveness and move on with building your new life.  3.) Everyday do something that makes you feel good.  Invest in yourself!  Do something you love.  Have you tried yoga?  4.) Decide to only spend time with others who nourish you, believe in you and build you up.  Stay away from those who drain your energy and reinforce your negative self perception.  5.) Listen to your heart and commit to something that you have been putting off, something that you have always wanted to do.  6.) Practice self love and give yourself 30 minutes of silence, stillness and peace each day in meditation.  7.) Each day say or do something that brings love or joy to another person without expecting anything in return.  8.) Finally, remember that the real You is a spirit and you have a body and mind which you can control.  The ego’s self perception, which we have been talking about, is an illusion that changes like the clouds.  So have fun and write you own script so you can star in this life movie!

Life Coach – Dr. Dean R. McCormick

2 thoughts on “Self Perception”

  1. Rev. Carol Wood says:

    Self perception is a double edged sword….it can be wonderful or it can be negative and difficult. When God creates us in our mother’s womb we were created in His image, a loving, nurturing, creative, kind, beautiful being. God sees us as almost perfect in every way. We are precious little beings with the potential to be anything we chose to be on earth in the space and time we are given here. I doubt that a baby thinks I am unlovable, but somewhere along the path of life negative perceptions creep into our path and we change. Our brain begins to believe they are true and we are unlovable. I agree that self perceptions are learned. Our parents, our financial circumstances, our environments, our siblings, our grandparents and aunts and uncles all play a part of helping us identify with who we are. If we grow up in a loving and caring environment it is easy to love ourselves, but if that environment is hostile our self perception can easily be damaged and our self image may tell us we are unlovable. You are right when you say when we feel unloved the need to be loved us not being met. Being a creature that was created to be in God’s image means we will always be loved by God and that we should all love ourselves as God loves us. However, when we don’t feel loved we often sink into depression and despair and feel unlovable.

    The answer does come from within and we need to begin to find ways to see all the gifts God created in us. These gifts can help us to understand that we are all lovable because that is how we were created in the beginning of life. It may be hard to find the lovable gifts within but we all have them, once we seek to find them and identify them we can begin to love who we are as individuals. I think the 8 steps you set forward in your Blog are a wonderful way to change our self perception and become the lovable being we are meant to be.

    When we surround ourselves with positive people it is easier to release your negative energy and find renewed hope in life and who you are. Every day be kind and caring of others, tell people you meet how nice they look, what a beautiful smile they have, give them a blessing and this will all come back to you one hundred fold. Pay it forward each day, forgive the past so you can move into a world of peace and love, live in the present as the past is gone…it can be forgiven but not relived, so move on and make wiser choices. Look for the positive, the beauty around you, find what brings you joy, and pass it on to others that God puts into your path. Follow the eight suggestions of Dr. McCormick and your spirit will soar to new heights. You can do it!

    1. deano224 says:


      You amplified and clarified the blog sooo well using your pastoral touch! God bless you!

      Namaste, Dean

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